Ponderance: Australia Gets Drunk, Wakes Up in North Atlantic (Tired of Being Isolated and Ignored, Continent Isn't Bloody Moving)

Australia Gets Drunk, Wakes Up in North Atlantic (Tired of Being Isolated and Ignored, Continent Isn't Bloody Moving)

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Apparently this is a couple of years old, but the SatireWire story on Australia's drunken continential drift-cum-stagger is one of the funniest things I've ever read:

After what witnesses described as an all night blinder during which it kept droning on about how it was always being bloody ignored by the whole bloody world and would bloody well stand to do something about it, Australia this morning woke up to find itself in the middle of the North Atlantic. "Good Lord, that was a booze up," said a bleary-eyed Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, speaking from his residence at Kirribilli House, approximately 600 nautical miles east of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina. According to Australians and residents of several countries destroyed or lewdly insulted during the continent's nearly 7,000-mile saltwater stagger, the binge began just after noon yesterday at a pub in Brisbane, where several patrons were discussing Australia Day and the nation's general lack of respect from abroad.
[...] Meanwhile, victims of what's already been dubbed the "Australian Crawl" are still shaking off the event. "Australia bumped into us at about midnight local time," said Hawaii governor Ben Cayetano. "They were very friendly ? they always seem friendly ? but they refused to go around unless we answered their questions. But the questions were impossible. 'Who is Ian Thorpe? Do you have any Tim Tams? What day is Australia Day?'" "Fortunately, somebody here had an Unimportant World Dates calendar and we aced the last one," Cayetano added. Panama, however, was not so lucky.